An Anal Barmaid

“I know you love anal sex”. This is a true statement I could have said to a barmaid that I had never met before I asked for a pint. I bet you’re thinking that I had been looking at her arse whilst I was waiting for her to serve me and that I have an unnatural ability to determine if she has anal sex regularly simply from the circumference of her bottom. Well you’re wrong. I knew because Dan and myself were browsing groups on Facebook when we came across one that was entitled “I love anal sex”. Dan recognised one of the members as the barmaid from the pub around the corner from where he works. She had made a comment about how she tried it once with her ex-boyfriend and would like to try it again. I was in the very same pub for the first time the other day and saw her for myself.

The world in which we live is a strange one. There I was ordering drinks from someone who had never seen me before thinking “all I know about you is that you have had anal sex once with your ex-boyfriend and that you would like to try it again”. Although I couldn’t even remember her name, I almost felt compelled to say something as I felt that my knowledge of this fact brought me some sort of proximity to her. I suppose my logic of this is that knowing someone’s sexual heath history is pretty much the last thing you find out about a person after all the boring mundane stuff like their birthday and the names of their brothers and sisters. God had given me the social fast forward button. I was basically her best friend. As she shared a joke with a regular at the end of the bar I felt like shouting out to him “yeah but I bet you didn’t even know that she had anal sex with her ex-boyfriend before they broke up and she wants to try it again at some point”.

I didn’t do that. Instead I took my drinks she gave me and sat down next to my girlfriend. “That barmaid had anal sex once with her ex-boyfriend and would like to try it again” I said. “Why did she tell you that” she replied. “I don’t know” was all I could say.

Pete