I was travelling home on the bus the other day. I was sitting upstairs, as I usually do. You’re further away from the engine (and usually most of the other people on the bus) so it makes things like reading or listening to music easier. You also get a better view, and it is a view that I saw that I want to tell you about.
I saw two men, clad in similar dull navy jackets, talking about something near the rear of a white van. One of them had a disconcerted look on his face, and was gesturing and saying something to the other. They were evidently in some kind of uniform, and so I took them to be responsible for driving the aforementioned van. As the bus drew nearer I could make out the gestures he was making – a sort of wiping motion, and pointing to the rear doors of the vehicle. They were clearly trying to work out how to clean something off the back of the van. Interested to find out what, I wiped the window a bit more and peered down.
The two men had not seen the funny side of it, but someone had written something in the dirt. What made it funnier was its originality – usually people write ‘clean me’ or ‘also available in white’ or ‘I wish my wife was as dirty as this’, but this comment was much more personalised. The message the two were so frantically trying to find the means to remove was this:
‘I like to probe sheep’s arses with my tongue.’
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