Wingman Dan

Dan has now given himself the position of “Pete’s Wingman”. This basically means that he is on a constant search to set me up with a lady friend. He is quickly finding out that this is a thankless and fruitless task (because of my general contempt for the opposite sex and use of terms such as “lady friend”).

Dan’s club strategy is to talk and joke with a female and then pass her off onto me to start loving. This way any awkwardness or rejection is neatly handled by Dan and gives me the opportunity to chastise him for behaving in such a way (to make it look as though I am too cool to be trying desperately to talk to women). There have been many failures with this approach that are largely down to me. However, on engaging a young lady standing close to us wearing an obviously fake fur coat, the failure was all hers.

Dan’s opening joke backfired as follows:
Dan: “I like your coat. What animal is it made from?”
Lady: “It’s fake”.
Dan: “What kind of animal is a Fake?”
Lady: “No, it’s not real”.
Dan: “ Oh right it’s from a zoo then.”
Lady: “No it’s fake”
Dan: “Yeah you said. What kind of a mammal is a Fake?”

At which point she turned around and said to her friend “I think that guy just had a go at me for wearing fur”. I then became extremely protective of my semen. If any were to escape and inseminate her then I would receive an idiot baby.

Pete