Sale of the century

I was browsing laptops when I came across this incredible saving. I really don't know how some online retailers turn a profit when they slash prices this much.


Pete

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

We’ve just finished writing 95% of our live show Ladma vs. The World. We know it’s 95% because Final Draft gives us an in-depth breakdown of all statistics relating to our script (even though we haven’t finished writing it). As a matter of interest, we have so far written 8, 595 words. These have been split into 1, 440 paragraphs. That’s an average of 5.97 words per paragraph. Chris speaks 38% of the time and interacts mostly with me. Pete speaks 27% of the time and interacts mostly with Chris. I speak 33% of the time and interact mostly with Chris. As you can see, I’m the only Ladma who’s had the decency to claim my allocation of 33% of the words.

It also does an interesting breakdown of the use of profanity. Pete, Chris and I all have at least one cock. Both Chris and I have a shit but I’m the only one to have a piss during the show. Pete and I have a couple of fucks but unfortunately Chris doesn’t get to fuck. I’m the only one with a dildo. I’m also the one responsible for bullshit appearing in two separate scenes.

Dan

White van

I was travelling home on the bus the other day. I was sitting upstairs, as I usually do. You’re further away from the engine (and usually most of the other people on the bus) so it makes things like reading or listening to music easier. You also get a better view, and it is a view that I saw that I want to tell you about.

I saw two men, clad in similar dull navy jackets, talking about something near the rear of a white van. One of them had a disconcerted look on his face, and was gesturing and saying something to the other. They were evidently in some kind of uniform, and so I took them to be responsible for driving the aforementioned van. As the bus drew nearer I could make out the gestures he was making – a sort of wiping motion, and pointing to the rear doors of the vehicle. They were clearly trying to work out how to clean something off the back of the van. Interested to find out what, I wiped the window a bit more and peered down.

The two men had not seen the funny side of it, but someone had written something in the dirt. What made it funnier was its originality – usually people write ‘clean me’ or ‘also available in white’ or ‘I wish my wife was as dirty as this’, but this comment was much more personalised. The message the two were so frantically trying to find the means to remove was this:

‘I like to probe sheep’s arses with my tongue.’

Chris