Long Live the King

Unto every generation is born an enlightened oracle, a prognosticating prophet, a soothsaying sage. Bygone eras have seen such perspicacious gurus as Jesus Christ, King Solomon or Mohammad. But no erstwhile augur’s insight or wisdom compares to today’s sagacious Svengali – the rotund messianic paedophile Jonathan King.

King was imprisoned in 2001 following four indecent assaults and two sexual offences on boys aged 14 and 15. King has always maintained his innocence and – in 2007 – released his exhortational album Earth to King. Earth to King is a modern-day Bible for the internet generation and is available on Myspace, YouTube and Google Video.

The centerpiece of Earth to King is a passionate defence of Britain’s most prolific serial killer, Harold Shipman. In The True Story of Harold Shipman, King seeks to rehabilitate Shipman as a martyr who practiced euthanasia. King sings: “…but a real psycho monster who’s killing for fame would leave notes for a claim to establish his name”. King raises a good point here. As far as I know, all criminals leave notes detailing all the crimes they’ve committed. Otherwise they lose track of how evil they are. Shipman didn’t leave any notes – unless they’ve fallen down behind the fridge – and so must be innocent. King didn’t leave notes either and ergo I can assert that Jonathan King is as innocent as Harold Shipman. As the King said, for God’s sake don’t fall for a media demon!

The True Story of Harold Shipman



In his ode Plead Guilty, King urges all those facing false allegations (like himself) that
“the verdict’s never true…the law ignores the truth” and suggests “whatever you do, plead guilty”. King argues that the whole system is wrong and wants a guilty verdict from the onset. He claims people shouldn’t be judged without a fair trial and that the media shouldn’t have such an influence. This is interesting because, in Vile Pervert, he suggests that Jesus, Mother Theresa, Winston Churchill, Vladimir Putin and Prince Charles are vile perverts who ogle boys, lift their shirts, look at girls and roll in dirt. But I’m sure he has his reasons. And I’m sure Prince Charles has probably fingered a few young boys too.

Plead Guilty



Vile Pervert



Finally – and without wanting to go through all of King’s album – in Satan’s Ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction King attacks society for persuading children that “love is wrong” (56 secs) and – in I Hate Coca Cola – he argues that society should accept people’s beliefs whatever they are – even if they are loving children. He goes on to assert that he hates “all organised structure that tell you what to do” (1 min 8 secs). Yes, or ‘prisons’ as they’re usually called – the same place you’re told to go when you try to teach young children that love is right.

Satan’s Ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction



I Hate Coca Cola



And so there you have it, words of wisdom from one of today’s greatest minds. Keep an eye out for his new singles Adolf Hitler – The Misunderstood Genius and Genocide Isn’t Always Bad.

Dan