A few weekends ago we filmed “Jackwert” a little epic at just over 20-25 minutes, divided into three episodes. We managed to film over 7 hours of footage, containing some 50 scenes. Of course, back in the day (i.e. last year) we would need 7 hours of tape to make something five minutes long. We’re much more efficient now, mainly because we press the stop button whenever we’re dicking around - thus saving hours of recording time. Shot entirely in one flat and on a shoestring budget, it is currently being edited into a fully-fledged film. What I want to do is tell you some stuff about the making of the film, so that when it comes out you will either a) Forgive us for the quality of the finished product OR b) Be even more amazed by the quality of the finished product. Preferably b).
As usual, our usual share of troubles was dished up sloppily on to the Ladma plate. A shortage of crew, and the presence of a highly contagious (and debilitating) disease meant that filming was harder than usual. The disease was kept at bay by various pills, sniffing fumes from albas oil and guzzling lemsip. We managed to keep it from harming our acting (which, let’s face it, needs all the help it can get). However, despite our best efforts with these medicines, we soon found that we were in the midst of a most pernicious and destructive epidemic. Pete reached “Phase 3” of the disease right during the busiest period of our schedule, but acted so hard that he managed to break through its negative effects. Community life in the flat is close knit and people move around a lot - soon I too began to develop some of the symptoms, such as sneezing. Some several days later I succumbed fully to the illness, but during the filming I was actually alright. We had sound problems too - people kept doing things like mowing their lawn, shouting, setting off alarms and flying planes. I certainly found out that the people of Hangleton, Hove can be a noisy bunch when they want to.
We also endured plenty of other hardships, as is quite typical for filming time. Pete and Dan almost invariably end up with the short straw during films – their roles require them to do things like almost drown in the sea in November, be naked, almost get set on fire, get doused in milk, wear a woman’s dress, eat cold chips and so on. I, on the other hand, mostly get to do the more cushy options like voice-overs. This time both Pete and Dan had to be naked at times, and Dan had to sip cold tea filled with salt (because we had no sugar to use as a prop). Even I wasn’t spared this time, having to eat a bowl of cereal with SKIMMED milk because we had no semi-skimmed.
The budget ran into the tens of pounds. The list of props purchased were: 50 Curly Wurlys (now all eaten), copies of Tomb Raider & Tomb Raider III, a pair of knickers, a key ring, some basic hair products, assorted charity shop costumes, a bunch of men’s and women’s magazines, 12 scratch cards (pilfered from other magazines), and 12 ‘Munch Bunch’ yoghurts.
Because of our current workload, we intend to balance work on the film with preparations for our live show, “Ladma vs. The World”. We have nurtured both projects from tiny idea eggs, then to little half-written hatchlings, and finally to the early stages of comic fruition. Soon, both of them will be big and strong enough to be set loose, so that they can make their own way in the world. Just when we’ll get time to play Tomb Raider I don’t know.
Chris
