I once heard that you can only really judge someone’s success by using their own aims. In this way Pol Pot is one of the most successful leaders of all time as I heard he had a little wall chart in his bedroom that he marked every time he killed 80,000 people. He only stopped when he reached his elusive goal of 25% of the population dead (which thankfully as we all know he achieved in 1979).
Anyway, we are not here to talk about how great Pol Pot was. No, this is a blog so I have to pretend to be erudite so you realise how great I am, but be slightly self deprecating so you don’t realise I am a turd like you with this goal in mind (just like that, and this, and that). I would just like to point out that I am listening to really good music whilst writing this. It’s the kind of music you like, but I know slightly more about it than you so that makes me a little bit more impressive than you. Come on be impressed by me! Come on, that’s what blogs are about. I never used to keep a diary because I knew that I could never be arsed to go back and read about what a twat I was yesterday. Now with a blog other people can do that for me and hopefully slap me on the back for it.
I digress. I decided to use this measure of a person’s success on myself by trying to score my life according to what I my aims were when I was thirteen. I will then know if I am successful in meeting my aims. Let’s begin.
For starters I have a PC and laptop (that’s right both). The PC has two screens. I would have wet my pants for that. But that’s not all, both can play the original Grand Theft Auto whenever I want (in your face mum). It gets even better. We have our own network and more PCs hanging around. So many in fact that we can play network games of GTA2 (also free) and have done so until 5am, when we decided (on our own) that we wanted to go to bed. We also have the internet. That means if I would like to see a woman nude I can in about three seconds flat without fear of my mum walking in and telling me that “it’s ok to be curious”. If all that isn’t good enough I can also walk into and pub or club and buy myself a beer. Then I can drink it. Yeah I know, pretty damn sweet. Lastly I have a girlfriend and sometimes I get to touch her boobs and it isn’t even awkward anymore. In school I would only be able to squeeze past girls in tight spaces and get a bit of boob with my elbow (the elbow has nowhere near the same sensory nerves as the hand).
So it looks like I am nearly as good as Pol Pot. No one can ever have ago at me again. At thirteen I would have never dreamed that I would be living the perfect life.
Pete
